


Quack

by Spnaos



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Suicidal Ideation, self-deprecating thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2020-12-31 08:01:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21123422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spnaos/pseuds/Spnaos
Summary: Patton’s “failures” are weighing him down. He can’t take it anymore.





	1. Chapter 1

Patton looked around. His room was no longer happy, bright colors. It was dark. Like shadows had become his roommates. He knew why his room had changed. What he didn’t know, was how to change it back. Maybe it was for the best. He wasn’t supposed to hide his feelings after all, and right now they were clear as day.

He was miserable.

He tried to look at the things that usually made him happy but a voice kept distracting him.

“It’s your fault”

“You’re such a screw up”

“It was better when you simply stood there being silly”

He knew the voice was his own thoughts, but all he heard was his friends’ voices. It hurt so much. 

But the voice was right. It was his fault. 

He hurt Thomas. It might have been unintentional but he still hurt him. More than one time. First he made him lie and say he wanted to go to the wedding. Deep down he knew that Thomas didn’t want to go, but he was so convinced that Thomas being with his friends on their big day was the right thing to do. He believed that he was doing something good, and Thomas suffered because of it.  
Then he made Thomas think he was a bad person for thinking thoughts. For thinking thoughts that were apparently quite normal for some people. The only reason Thomas was having those thoughts was because he was stressed. He was stressed about the other thing Patton did wrong.

He also made Virgil uncomfortable, and even though he did everything he could to stop calling him cute nicknames, he always slipped up. The look Virgil gave him every time he messed it up was shattering. It absolutely broke Patton. Did Virgil still want to be his friend? Probably not. Patton would understand if he didn’t even want to talk to him anymore. He was probably just annoying Virgil. Patton was annoyed with himself most of the time, so it made sense if Virgil also thought he was unbearable.  
He was so stupid. Why was he so stupid?

Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!

He couldn’t do anything right. He tried and he tried. But he kept messing up. Should he just stand in the corner and be silly? Inevitably he would somehow mess up again. And again and again. 

Maybe if he wasn’t there to mess things up everything would be better. It probably would. Right?

They didn’t really need him. Deceit impersonated him for a whole video, and they didn’t really notice. They only noticed when Deceit blew his cover. 

All the things Patton usually helped Thomas with, the others could do easily. Logan could help Thomas figure out what is right and wrong. They could all work together to help with his feelings. They would be much better at them anyway. He could be replaced. They would be fine without him.

“It’s for the best”

“It will all be better without you” 

“You’re doing the right thing”

His thoughts, disguised as his friends, raced around in his head. Then they stopped and Patton knew what he had to do.

No more trying to hide his feelings. No more screwing up. No more being in the way.

He was ducking out.

Patton chuckled to himself as he felt his connection to Thomas fade.

“Quack”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Patton ducking out. Thomas is acting weird, and the others find out why.

Something was wrong. 

Virgil felt like something was wrong. No, he knew something was wrong but he didn’t know what. He hated not knowing. His mind always tried to fill in the blanks and that almost always made him jump to conclusions. Just like now.

What if someone was hurt? 

What if he had done something wrong?

What if the world was ending?

What if Thomas was dying?

What if, what if, what - wha -....

He could feel himself panicking. He knew what he had to do. What he always did when the world was overwhelming and he needed comfort.

He had to find Patton.

However, before he could sink down, Roman rose up in his room. He looked like he was also freaking out. His eyes darted quickly around the room before they landed on Virgil.

“Virgil! Thank god you’re here! We have a situation”

“Yeah, no shit. What the fuck is going?”

The thought of Patton scolding him for his language comforted him a bit. Though it also made the need to have his best friend there to calm him down even stronger.

It was okay, though. Patton would help them figure out what was happening.

Roman didn’t answer Virgil. He just pulled him to Thomas’s living room and left again. Assumedly, to get the others.

It was quiet. Too quiet. Virgil’s panic increased. But his protective nature stepped in when he saw Thomas on the couch. He was sitting there staring blankly in front of him. Logan was beside him looking confused. And was that panic Virgil could sense from him?

When Logan noticed Virgil on the stairs he looked relieved. He walked over to him.

“I don’t - I don’t know what’s wrong. He hasn’t moved an inch since we found him. Virgil, I - I have no idea what to do” He stuttered out.

Virgil’s suspicions from before were confirmed. Logan was panicking. He laid a hand on his shoulder trying to reassure him that everything was going to be okay. Even though he himself was freaking out. Virgil wasn’t good at the whole comforting thing. No, Patton was much better.

When he came, they would all find out what was wrong with Thomas, calm down, and then maybe watch some Disney movies. Yeah, that sounded great. Virgil could really use that right about now.

Virgil was pulled out of his thoughts by Roman rising up in his usual place, but Patton wasn’t with him. 

“Where- um -” Virgil was interrupted by Roman.

“I don’t know! I tried to summon him several times. He isn’t answering!”

No, no no no no no nono. 

This could not be happening. Virgil’s mind was screaming at him. Where was he? They needed him!

He tried to sort all his thoughts out, but they were all jumbled together. When the pieces finally fell into place, his heart sunk. 

It didn’t make any sense. Patton wouldn’t do that, right? 

“Um, I think I know what’s going on” he hesitantly said.

The others stared at him. Waiting for him to elaborate.

“Remember when I decided I wasn’t needed because I only hurt Thomas, and I ducked out? I - um, I think Patton has done the same thing”

Roman looked horrified.

“What!? No! He’s probably just busy in the imagination. You know he gets distracted easily. I’ll go look -”

“Roman, wait. Virgil might be right. Look -” Logan interrupted as he walked over to Thomas.

“Thomas, how are you feeling?”

“I don’t know” 

“Do you know what you’re feeling?”

“Um, I don’t really feel anything”

Virgil’s breath caught in his throat. He didn’t want this to be true. He remembered the complete loneliness he felt when he had ducked out. How cold he was, and how dark it was. He didn’t want Patton to feel that. 

Maybe, it wasn’t true. Maybe, they were jumping to conclusions. Maybe Thomas was just having an off day. He got those sometimes, and he was going through a lot lately, so it made sense. 

Maybe, they just needed to be there for him right now. Maybe Roman was right. Maybe Patton got distracted in the imagination again.

Only one way to find out. 

“Hey, Thomas, how do you feel about lying?”

Thomas looked at him, contemplating the question.

“I guess it’s okay to lie. You just have to be good at it so people don’t find out you’ve lied. If they don’t know, then no hard feelings, right?”

Okay, this was bad. 

Virgil was visibly panicking now. He could feel his whole body shaking. Roman put a hand on his back trying to comfort him. Logan spoke to him softly.

“Hey, Virge, take a deep breath. We will find him. Remember how we got you back? We went to your room. So let’s all go to Patton’s room and find out what made him, as you like to call it, duck out” He turned and faced Thomas.

“Thomas, think happy thoughts”

Before Virgil could even react to what was going on, they rose up in Patton’s room. Except, it did not at all look like his room. It was gloomy and cold. This had to be a mistake.

“Um, Specs, are you sure we didn’t take a wrong turn? This looks more like Vee’s room” 

“Yes, Roman, I am sure. Patton’s room changes its appearance to match his mood. This could explain why he chose to leave. His room indicates that he was feeling distressed. We just have to get to him and find out what made him feel that way”

They all closed their eyes, concentrating on summoning Patton.

They were met with silence.

Yet, for Virgil, everything was too loud. They couldn’t lose him! He was too important. Thomas was a mess without him. They needed him. Virgil needed his best friend. He had to get him back.

“Patton, please come back. We can’t do this without you. We need you. I - Patton, I need you. You’re always there for me. I don’t know what made you feel like you had to do this, but I remember why I did it. I remember how it felt when my connection to Thomas was severed. It wasn’t pleasant. So please-, Patton, please let us help you. We can be there for you. Let us show you that you’re important”

He had been holding back tears but now they were streaming down his face.

He waited a minute. Hopeful that Patton would show up, but the room was silent, and Virgil lost it. He couldn’t breathe, his ears were ringing, he was shaking, and the room was blurry because of his tears.

Patton appeared beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Kiddo, remember the breathing exercise. In for four, hold for seven, and out for eight”

Patton did the breathing and counting with him until he calmed down.

As soon as his breathing was back to normal, Virgil threw his arms around Patton and hugged him tightly.

Patton didn’t hug him back.

“Hey-, um, hey guys. What are you, um, what are you doing here?” He nervously said.

Roman looked so relieved to see him again, but Logan, Logan looked furious.

“Are you joking! How could you be so stupid to think that you disappearing wouldn’t have any consequences!?” 

He gestured over to Thomas, who, when Patton appeared, had passed out from the overwhelming feeling of getting the majority of his emotions back. Now he was sitting on the floor crying softly.

Virgil was ready to give Logan a piece of his mind, but before he could say anything, Patton spoke.

“I’m sorry. I - I didn’t know. I thought I was finally doing something good, but I messed everything up again. See, that’s why I’m not needed. I can’t do anything right! I’m annoying, immature, silly, and stupid! I’m a burden, and I didn’t want to be in the way anymore. That’s why I left. I thought - I thought it would help”

Logan sighed softly with a sad look in his eye.

“Please don’t apologize, Patton. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. I am, uh, not good at feelings. I was worried and scared for you. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was mad. I am truly sorry for making you feel unnecessary. We value your contributions”

“Yes, Padre, you’re not a burden. Logan and I get too passionate sometimes, and we forget the people around us. I am sorry too. Please know that we appreciate you”

Patton had tears in his eyes, and Virgil reached over and held his hand. Patton looked him in the eye.

“Virgil, you must be annoyed at me. I keep accidentally calling you the things you don’t want me to call you. I make you uncomfortable”

“Are you kidding? I could never be annoyed at you. You’re my best friend. We’re a dynamic duo, right? Also, I have noticed that you’re trying to do better and that means the world to me” He wrapped Patton in another hug. This time the hug was reciprocated.

“I don’t understand. I hurt Thomas, and I was horrible to Deceit and Remus. Oh God, they must hate me!”

“We don’t”

Deceit and Remus appeared and slowly walked over to Patton.

“Patton, we don’t always see eye to eye, but I know that what you do is important. I respect you, and I forgive you for the way you acted. I am also sorry. It wasn’t like I was any better. In the future, we should try to understand each other more”

“Same here, Daddio. I know my ideas get a tiny bit crazy sometimes. You help me to not do things that would endanger anyone. Plus your puns are hilarious. You crack me up!”

Logan walked over to Patton and put his hand on his shoulder.

“Patton, we all make mistakes. The important thing is that we learn from them. You recognizing that you made a mistake is a step towards doing better next time. You’re trying to improve and that is what matters”

Patton had tears streaming down his face. Had he really misunderstood everything?

He was pulled into a group hug, and when he felt Thomas join in he finally relaxed.

Patton wasn’t okay right now, but he was certain that he would be.

He had friends supporting him.

As they stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms, Patton’s room got a bit brighter again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> I’m sorry if some of them are OOC. I'm still figuring out the whole writing thing.
> 
> Come chat on Tumblr: [patton-birdie](https://patton-birdie.tumblr.com/)


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